Saturday 7 May 2011

Orgasm on Aisle Three

I was having lunch with some friends, long time Mojácar residents, when one started to recount her recent experiences in a new supermarket that has just opened. Having lived here for so long, she told us, she was at first amazed by the size and amount of well-known products that she hadn’t seen or thought about since her time in England. After having put her coin in the trolley, she had slowly started to wander aimlessly, her mouth wide open, just admiring and reminiscing over all of the goodies. The only problem with the giant store, she admitted to us, was that every time she touched the trolley she got an electrical shock. Not to be deterred from her adventure, she gingerly pushed the trolley around the shop, still getting a shock every time she touched it. A salesgirl came up and asked if there was a problem since she had heard my friend shriek several times. My friend explained about the little shock and was politely treated as the girl’s dotty grandmother. The typical middle-aged woman who probably lived alone and most assuredly had a dog that absorbed her world, the type of client you treat with respect but underneath it all are silently laughing about. My friend - I will call her Linda for the sake of the story – thanked the girl for her concern but bravely said she would continue, and began to carefully push the trolley around by just touching the little plastic pieces on the corners of the push-bar. When arriving on aisle three, just in front of the butchers’ stand, she leant over to look at some frozen goods in a glass top freezer when –ZAP- she got a shock to her nipples and, to her unalloyed pleasure, an instant and unexpected orgasm. Linda said that her nipples shot up like a chapel hat-peg as she shrieked in delight, much to the consternation of the butcher. The butcher for his part had just thought it was rather odd without knowing the real reason for the shriek. A dazed Linda tottered to the check-out stand having hardly bought anything; still in a dreamy smile over what she had just experienced. The salesgirl kindly asked if she had enjoyed her shopping and hoped that she would be back. Linda said that she had and would also tell all of her friends about her experience. Linda went straight home and e-mailed everyone she knew about her experience and told them that they must try it. On Linda’s return visit to the supermarket the following day she still had the same problem with the shock from the trolley. The manager noticed and came up to ask her what the problem seemed to be. As it happened, they were standing just in front of the butcher on the famous aisle three. Perhaps Linda had made her way there on purpose. She told the manager about the electric shock she kept receiving from the trolley and about the remarkable and invigorating experience served to her by the freezer on aisle three. He opened the freezer and nothing happened so he asked her to try; a little embarrassed about what might happen, and not wanting him to think she was just another dotty old woman, she opened the freezer; and –ZAP- another instant orgasm. The butcher was wetting himself with laughter, as the manager said he would get it fixed right away. Linda told him that there was no need for that and that she really loved his new shop. When arriving at the check-out again, the salesgirl asked once again if she had enjoyed her shopping. Linda replied “more than you will ever know”.
The girl said that they had attached ground wires to most of the trolleys and that on her next visit she should look for a trolley that had a long dangly bit that touched the ground, and politely said I hope you will return. Linda said “Oh! I don’t worry any more about dangly bits, but I will most certainly be back and I have told all of my friends about it”. I don’t think the sales-girl really quite knew what she meant as she started helping to put Linda’s shopping into a bag.

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